


💙❄Hurt of Ice and cold❄💙

by SpaceGuardianlover1997



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: A volcano of tension waiting to explode, Apologies, Crying, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt Jim, Jealousy, Kolinahr (Star Trek), Love, M/M, Nightmares, Reunions, Sad James T. Kirk, Sexual Tension, Slow Build, Slow Burn, bad misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-28
Updated: 2020-06-28
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:13:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24961372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpaceGuardianlover1997/pseuds/SpaceGuardianlover1997
Summary: This is after their first five year mission eded.Jim's life had gone from good to complete and utter shit.
Relationships: James T. Kirk/Other(s), James T. Kirk/Spock
Kudos: 15





	💙❄Hurt of Ice and cold❄💙

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim's life was just one messed up shit. He doesn't know how to fix anything, so loneliness seems like the best option he has.❄💙
> 
> This may be in the middle of the year, but I am going to add a little Christmas cheer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will add more in the next few days

_I didn't loose you_

_But what won you?_

_Your passport on the table_

_Pinned me right here_

_You say there is a war coming_

_That is burning deep inside you_

_You ask if I'm coming along to the place you must go to_

_You say it's time to move_

_To take your heart_

_You say it's not to split us apart_

_💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄💙❄_

He thought that maybe, things would finally go his way. That finally if he confessed to Spock, that maybe Spock would want him too.

But instead things had gone from very good, or as good as it could be to complete utter shit.

Jim stares out the window and his thoughts drifted to the day he told Spock how he felt.

_They had just finished a particularly bad mission. Jim had gone for a shower. He was sitting at his desk, when his door chimed "Come in" he had called and then a very stiff looking Vulcan had entered his quaters._

_"Captain. I am resigning my commission with starfleet" Spock had told him. His tone harsh and emotionless. Jim had felt his heart sink "What? Why?" Jim had asked. He couldn't quite grasp the idea that Spock was leaving._

_"As a child I had long been wanting to persue kolinahr. Jim,when I feel friendship for you, I feel ashamed" Spock had said. Where he sat, Jim felt numb. "What? Spock... i'm in love with you" He had suddenly blurted out. He was grasping at anything he could find._

_He thought he saw Spock's eyes widen, but Spock's face had remained nutral._

_"I do not recopurate" Spock said and left Jim's quaters._

A single tear rolled down his face. Angerly he wiped it away. You've cried enough tears over a man, who does not want you. Get over him! Jim berated himself.

As the first month had passed, after the end of their mission, Jim had hardly eaten anything. He'd stay in his apartment and watch movies the whole day.

After a while Leonard had slowly given up on getting Jim to eat or leave the apartment. Maybe, because Jim snapping at him had become to much. And Jim didn't blame him at all.

He moved away from the window and went outside. He sat down on one of the steps and lit an cigarette. He blew out some of the smoke.

This was now his only pleasure. The other parts of his life was only bitter, ice cold pain. He saw a tall figure standing at the gate. He looked very much like Spock. Uh-uh. Jim shook his head. Why would Spock suddenly be here.

"Captain" Spock says. His voice was very soft. Almost as though he showed emotion. "Why are you here?"Jim asks dryly.

"Because I wished to see my friend" Spock replies. Jim snorts harshly "Yeah. Thought,it was a shame to have a friendship with me." Jim replies and got up.

"Jim, I----" But spock couldn't say anything to that. Because that was what he told Jim, but it wasn't true, while he was seeking Kolinahr, Spock struggled in his preparation. Jim was always on his mind. After Spock discovered the bond he shared with Jim, He immediately went to the high priestess, T'Pau. And she had confirmed that Spock indeed shared a bond with Jim.

Unfortunately, Spock didn't know what to do, so he went to his father and told him of the bond. Sarek of course wasn't happy about it, but he told Spock that he must follow his heart, which led to now. Spock in riverside.

Jim got up "Well,Come in" he says. Spock nods and picked up his bags. He followed Jim up the stairs and entered the room,told him, he could use.

They both went back to the kitchen "Do you want anything to drink?" Jim asks. Spock nods "tea,would be satisfactory " Spock replies.

After a few moments, Jim handed him the tea cup. Accidentally, their fingers touched and Spock picked up on Jim's emotions. Heartbreak,sadness,pain and loneliness. Spock realized that he had caused these emotions in Jim. He realised it was gonna take alot for Jim to trust him again.

Jim sat down and watched Spock. He crossed his arms over his chest "So did you... do kolinahr?" Jim asks. Spock looks up "Yes,however, I could not complete it, because I discovered that you and I share a connection" Spock explains.

Jim's eyes grew wide in disbelief "You mean..." jim trailed off. "We share a bond. A Vulcan bond" Spock says

Jim shook his head "No. I don't have a bond with anyone. No way." Jim got up and left the house, leaving Spock to himself.

Have I miscalculated? Have I hurt Jim so much that he finds me so repulsive? Spock sighs to himself. Suddenly Spock wished he could go back in time and change what he did to Jim.

Later that night, Spock was in his given room, when he suddenly felt the spike of arousal through his bond with Jim.

Spock felt jealousy and anger boiling his blood. He clenched his fists tightly. Spock builds as many mental barriers as he could. The thought of Jim with other people angered him. He clenched his teeth.

As they say, with to much tension, to much anger and jealousy and to much sexual tension, you are bound to explode. And Jim being intimate with others are like earthquakes to Spock's already growing tension. 

Spock had no idea how to fix this. He got up and got his meditation things ready. It took him almost 10 minutes to get his focus on meditation. But he did.

The next morning Spock woke up and got ready for the day. He dressed in a pair of blacks slacks and a grey sweater. With a pair of ankle boots. 

He went down the stairs to make himself a cup of tea. Jim also enterd the kitchen. Spock doesn't say anything. 

Jim glances at Spock "Morning" Jim says. Spock turns "Good morning" Spock replies stiffly. Jim frowns at him "are you alright?" Jim asks. Spock nods "I am adequate" Spock replies.

Jim got the feeling that Spock was trying to completely to avoid talking to him "Spock, are you angry with me?" Jim asks.

Spock looks at him blankly "Vulcans do not feel angry" Spock says emotionless. When Spock acted this way, he knew that somehow Spock was angry at him. "Come on, Spock. I can see it in your eyes" Jim says.

"Very well. Yes Jim, I am angry with you. Yesterday, I told you about our bond. You simply disregard it and went out to have intimate relations with others. So, do tell me, what you wish for me to say" Spock says and turns his back to Jim.

Jim felt anger rising inside him "That is none of your business! You can't just turn up and tell me that we share a bond, when I clearly remember you saying, you feel ashamed to feel anything for me!" Jim's voice rised in volume.

"Then I shall correct my error" spock says and walked up the stairs. He packed up all his belongings and picked them up. He went back downstairs. Jim's eyes grew large "Where are you going?" Jim asks

Spock walked to the door and stopped "I am correcting my error. I am leaving" Spock says. And right at that moment Jim realised what he had said in anger. Anger he had been holding since before he even met Spock "Spock, I don't want you to leave. I didn't mean to imply that I didn't want you here" Jim says.

Spock slowly turns around "Then why do you wish for me to stay?" Spock asks.

Jim walks up to Spock and into his personal space. He planted his lips on Spock's. Spock kissed Him back with such desperation, he thought that after this Jim would send him away. 

Spock unbuttoned Jim's shirt and pushed it open. He allowed his hands to roam over the soft skin,he had steamed so long of touching and now he could.


End file.
